she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
