sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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