Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
