I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
