I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
