im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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