hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
