ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
