Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
