Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
