he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
