Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
