it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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