One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
