i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
