i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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