What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize