You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
