I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
