If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
