I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
