I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
