I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
