She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
