If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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