Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
