i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize