??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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