he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Two words: blizzard sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
