I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
