I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
