I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
