you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
