for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
