No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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