Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
