don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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