it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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