Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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