At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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