your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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