I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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