The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
