dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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