oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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