i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
