I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I need a beard to bite.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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