i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
