rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
