"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
