You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
