ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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