it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
