the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
