please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They took my balls.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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