i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You made out with two different species that night
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
