i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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