remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
