My cat gives me a boner
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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