I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
