He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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