If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
