when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Randomize
