I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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