You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fuck appropriateness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize