Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
