I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
