i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
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I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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